I was never the smartest. But I never cared, I just go for it. And to some extent, I would oftentimes get lucky. But things have changed. Now, I just want people to let me be.
I hate this slump I’m in. People tell me to go after that one thing I’m really passionate about. Problem is, I don’t even know what I want to do with my life anymore, which is totally different when I was younger; when I perfectly knew what I wanted. I used to be so driven and, frankly, quite ambitious. Now I’m just lost and apathetic (if not pathetic). Oh, the ironies of life.
Sometimes, I dream of escaping it all and just go somewhere far where there’s no expectations, and I could live a simple life in a small quaint town. Far from drama and stress.
I wish I could wake up one day and find my old self back. I’ve been like this for so long. I thought it would pass, but it has been four years of going around in circles.
It seems as if I’m ok. I try to be ok. But I was never ok. Never had… since the day He said “No.”
PS. I hate writing about (personal) things that go on in my head. But I want to be perfectly honest, at least once in my life, and yah know, let it all out before I go back to pretending —- before I go back to a world where I act as if it’s all rainbows and butterflies, before I burst and someone puts a straight jacket on me…
seriously, I think I need a shrink. =)
Zoey in all her cuteness =)
Portrait of Mrs Pataki - Jozsef Rippl-Ronai - 1892